Shyness....

Ok, I am stumped. I just don't know how to get Brittany out of her 'shy mode' when she is around a group of kids that she knows, but that she doesn't know really well. How do I push her to get in there and get into the conversation? I really want to help her! Trust me, I know it's hard to walk up to a group of girls already in a conversation! I know that people don't always respond they way you want them to. I know sometimes you can get ignored or feel stupid because you don't know what to say. But how do I help Brittany? How do I help her see that she is funny and interesting? How do I help her see her worth? Thanks for any help with this. This has been a struggle for a long time and I just don't know how to handle it anymore!

It's funny sometimes...

Sometimes, I let my thoughts get the best of me! Tonight, it's about my biological sperm donor. I can't even place the word father on him with the amount of rejection he has dished at me simply because, he hates my mother. He has this twisted relationship with my brother, where he loves him for a time, then rejects and hurts him, then takes him back in....As for me, when I was 12, I asked my mom to take me to Tennessee to meet this man, who has never wanted to pay child support to help my mom raise me, never tried to get visitation rights, never NOTHING. So I went to visit him, not knowing that he and his wife had just had twin baby girls who were in critical condition. Those little girls ended up dying. So sad, I was sorry for his loss of his little girls. But doesn't he still have a little girl? Yep, that's right, I am his only living daughter. Never in my 35 years of life has he ever made an attempt to get in contact with me, NOTHING. Yet, I find him on Facebook and this is his Mother's Day message

Today is MOTHER DAY and I just wanted to thank my mother, Terri's mother, the mothers of my kids, and all the great mothers we have in our family. Because of you we have a great family. Hope to see you all real soon, love you all

Am I one of his kids? Does he thank my mother for not abandoning me like he did? I just can't and will never understand how he can live with a woman, take on her daughters, yet he has a daughter flesh and blood and has NEVER contacted me. Oh, I forgot to mention, he makes trips that take him right past my house. He was even spotted at a casino 3 miles from my house a little over 3 years ago. I just can't imagine, having a child, and then just because I hate the other parent with all that I have(and yes, he hates my mom, but that's not me is it?!) giving up and not trying to have a relationship with that child. They are my flesh, they are MY child. I don't know why I do this to myself. I don't know why I look. I suppose it's that rejection that has reared it's ugly head in every area of my life, making me beyond insecure making me wonder if he thinks about me. I wonder if he wonders if I am married, if I have children. I wonder if he knows anything about me at all since he talks to my brother.

Pastor Joel from my church

I wanted to share this video of Pastor Joel, who runs our Kings Kids ministry at church. What an amazing story! God makes NO accidents!

A family update....

Well, I know it's been a good while since I've updated my blog, even though I promise myself that I am going to keep up, but well, life takes over and my time at the computer is less(which is a good thing!).

I have been doing good, just super busy with finishing up school things so that we can enjoy the summer off(for the most part) from schooling. We will continue to do a few things over the summer, but I like to give the girls, and myself, a good break! I'm so excited to be going to a huge Home School Convention in May up in Orlando. I've heard it's amazing and that I will learn so many things! I've already picked out the curriculum that I will be using for Brittany next year, but I still want to go and look at what they have available and learn some things about home schooling. I still need to figure out what items I want to use with Kallie for next year. The only thing I have picked out for her so far is a Spelling book. I am also looking forward to celebrating 15 amazing years with my best friend and soul mate in May. I can't believe how in love I am with this man and thank God everyday for him! That's about it on my front!

Todd is doing good. He recently started seeing a chiropractor again for major back pain and is already starting to feel better from the treatment!He recently got a gun, so that is his new thing(insert eye roll). In fact, he is going this weekend for his first time at the shooting range. Whatever makes him happy I suppose! He, as well as I, am training to run a 5k on May 5th. We were both sick and had to take a week off but are looking forward to starting again tomorrow with our sixth week! We can both now run/jog for 20 minutes without stopping. What a milestone considering I couldn't run for 60 seconds the first week without feeling like we were going to die!

Kallie has had a great year with her school work! While I don't use any specific curriculum with her, I have really pushed her to work on skills that I didn't even think I was going to introduce to her. While Kallie can add and subtract without a calculator, we made a decision to let her start using a calculator for when she is working with money. I even introduced her to some multiplication with money! She's so excited to use that function on her calculator. We've also worked on her comprehension of what she reads as well as her handwriting. She also was a part of a co-op class called 'Read, Write, Draw', which she LOVED being a part of. She got to do some art work in that class and surprised me with how well she could draw!
Last night I had to take Kallie to the ER because she had major stomach pains on the lower right side of her abdominal area. The doctors thought she might have appendicitis, but after hours and hours, of testing and waiting, we found out that while her intestines are inflamed, it is just a stomach bug. I am beyond grateful because believe you me, I did NOT want to put my girl through surgery! We are still holding off on surgery to finish up her knees. She has had significant improvement on her degree of slant and it's looking like those will come out next year at some point. There is no rush to get them out, though they do have to come out, because her growth plates have basically fused and any, if any, correction from here on out is just a bonus. The surgeon still plans on having a plastic surgeon to complete a scar revision after the plates are removed. I do NOT want my daughter to go through life with the scars that are on her knees now.

Brittany is finishing up her school year nicely! She really enjoyed taking part in a middle school soccer team this year and is looking forward to it starting again in October. We've had some issues with extreme competitiveness that we had to deal with, and actually caused us to pull her from a program, but after some prayer and discussion as a family, we decided to give her a second change to participate. After all, doesn't God give us second chances?! This year, I also went outside of my comfort zone and helped lead a Science co-op that Brittany(and sometimes Kallie if she is in the mood) take part in. It's been so much fun and the kids have all been amazing and learned some really neat things about science through experiments. Tomorrow we will do a Mentos and Diet Coke experiment that I know the kids are going to LOVE! Ok, back to Brit! We have decided to do another year in American Heritage Girls(actually for both girls). This year we weren't able to put as much time and effort into it as we wanted to, but next year it's going to be better! It's really such a great program and I'm so blessed to have both my girls as part of it. Brittany also got braces a few months ago! I can't believe my baby girl has braces! Seriously, can we slow their growth down? Before I know it, she'll be in high school! I'm totally going to have issues! haha

Well, that's about it for an update! I will try to post more, but I make no promises! LOL Have an awesome week everyone!

Good Friday..a post by my husband

My husband said I could share this if I wanted to. It blessed me so much and I hope it blesses you too!

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With today being 'Good Friday' I have felt a tug on my heart to consider what actually occurred on this day and to seriously ponder on those revelations. For me, what this day means, I think that I have to go on the limited knowledge I have and more on what I believe in my heart to be true, that over two thousand years ago a man who was God's beloved son in flesh was taken beaten beyond recognition. To put it kindly some used to say that it's incomprehensible how bad he was tortured, but in today's society it feels as though it is imaginable just hard to swallow, you know that anyone would or could endure such pain out of love for another, no actually for ALL who would accept him. Then I stopped to think about that because thousands lay down their lives to protect another all the time right? But do they want to die? Have they done nothing to bring on this circumstance or will they be able to endure the hours of abuse that our Savior did before he was hoisted up on the cross?



I know of the research put into his flogging by scholars and they suggest that no man would be able to stay conscious after having your flesh ripped from your body for hours while being beaten whipped and utterly slaughtered, but our Savior did! In fact after that he carried his own cross to Calvary, was he able to make it no, that's what made him human. He really was in the flesh and really did endure that beating and when he was on the cross hanging in agony he showed us how human he was by weeping and crying out to God "My God, My God, Why have you forsaken me?" he was so human that he was asking God for heavenly strength to endure the pain. Then heaven came down upon him when he said "it is finished". I never picked my salvation the moments, days actually, leading to it apart before. But when a circumstance at home where my youngest daughter got caught in a 'big' sin and my wife and I confronted her on it she broke down into tears about how ashamed she was and sorry she was for what she had done, that she doesn't know why she even did it. Then says I understand if you don't love me anymore and I will stay home on Easter so you can enjoy service without me there.(she is 11) That's when it hit me, that is me to my Savior every time I catch myself in a sin. I had to explain to her that first of all I/we love her beyond expression which is why we brought the sin to light and that this weekend was the most important weekend in our lives, to be able to see our sin placed on Christ's shoulders, to see him hang in agony for us and watch him be human and die as final atonement of the sin sacrifice as commanded by our God. Then i had to evaluate myself over the next few days on what just happened that out Savior carried the weight of All our sins straight to hell and personally handed over to Satan what he asked for 'payment of mortality and death for sin' God played the devils own card by becoming human living without sin so that he could die with the weight of the world and deliver it straight to the one who brought sin to this world. Satan in his fury fought this but our Savior concurred him and rose from the dead because the payment had been made but the one who delivered payment was perfect and sinless therefore could not be bound by this punishment.



Victorious our Savior spent a few days here on earth revealing himself to his followers to assure them and us that Gods promises ring true for eternity. Then he returned to his father in heaven, leaving us with the promise that not only will he return to this world but that he is leaving to prepare a new home for us with him in heaven. When I took that all in I realized that God revealed to me through my daughter how I have been in my own walk. That made me cry, I was broken and so sorry for putting such a burden on Christ's shoulders again and again, I was sorry for putting my family through all I put them through. Then a peace came over me and I remembered how my faith once was and how on fire I once was for my God and my Savior. Then I determined that what I needed to do was to show the love my God has for me the best that I could to my daughter and my family. To show, not just tell, my daughter that not only did I love her but I forgive her and that I will be by her side to help her through this life, that I would HAVE to live the example she needed to ignite her own flame, after all I was the example in her life for everything up till then whether I knew it or not. I had corrupted my little girl without realizing it. It all came to light to me so rapidly, it started slow it burned a little and it got me to pray for the specific things that needed to be addressed. God revealed them to me. So my prayer is not just for forgiveness, but for heavens help to stay on course, to have heavens power to fight the fight to be there for my family where it's important at home, to be the spiritual leader and live the example so that not only will my daughters know they can trust me but also that I may instill upon them the characteristics I pray they will hold in their hearts as they grow up. I know that the only way that will happen is if I change drastically and put all my trust in the Lord to change me. With that said I pray that as this day professes and we go to 'GOOD FRIDAY' services we know what and why it's so 'GOOD' and may you Easter weekend be blessed beyond comprehension for our Savior lives. May the hope and peace of the knowledge that our Savior conquered the grave on our behalf be the same hope and peace to spread his love to all those in your lives until his glorious return. As for me and my household we WILL serve the Lord.



Now I need to go love on my daughter and family, be blessed this weekend! Todd

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Thank you, God, for such an amazing husband and family! Thank you for loving us even when we turn our backs to you to sin.

JDRF Walk to Cure T1D

As most of you know, back in 2007, our daughter Kallie was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes(T1D). Insulin is just a band aid to the damage that T1D does to her body. It is not a cure. We are walking and fundraising for a cure. Can you help us, on Kallie's behalf to raise funds towards a cure?

You can visit our page at
Kallie's Krew~Walking for a Cure! No amount is too small! Please be part of the movement to find a cure for this deadly disease! Please!

M.I.A!

Lately, I've forgotten my blog again! Gotten busy around here! I will update more later but for now....a picture of my beautiful family on our 8 day cruise!

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.

My confession:


I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas trees... I don't feel threatened.. I don't feel discriminated against.. That's what they are, Christmas trees.


It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu . If people want a crèche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.


I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from, that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.


Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.


In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.


Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Hurricane Katrina)... Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response.. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'


In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc.. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill; thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.


Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave, because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about.. And we said okay..


Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves


Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'


Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.


Are you laughing yet?


Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.


Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.


Pass it on if you think it has merit.


If not, then just discard it.. no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.


My Best Regards, Honestly and respectfully,


Ben Stein

I've tried not to focus....

I have tried my hardest to go this November without remembering what happened to Kallie, to our family, 4 years ago. New words of Diabetic Ketoacidosis, finger checks, blood sugars, counting carbs, reading labels, stacking insulin, insulin shots or pump therapy, a1c tests......

The list can go on and on of the terms that have now been introduced into our lives because my daughter has Type 1 Diabetes. I can say without a doubt, not a day goes by, that I don't utter the words, "I hate diabetes!"

I hate that it has put doubt into my mind of Kallie ever leading an independent life. I hate that her having diabetes means, less people willing to watch her, not because they are mean, but because they are scared of "messing up". I hate the financial strain diabetes has put on my family. It's amazing how much it costs, to basically, keep your little girl alive. I hate what it has done to her body, especially when it comes to healing after surgery. I hate highs, I hate lows, I hate worrying how her body is going to react to certain foods. I hate eating out a lot, because honestly, it's HARD to guesstimate how many carbs are in the food that she will eat.

Kallie having diabetes makes me look at holidays in a whole new light. How much candy will I have to say no to? How many sweets will be there that I also have to say no to? Now, don't get me wrong, we allow her to indulge every now and again(sometimes too much!), but we definitely try to limit things without her feeling like she is being punished.

With a new season of going off of pump therapy, because the cost to maintain it has become impossible to maintain, and going back to injections of long acting and short acting insulin, I am scared. I've been overwhelmed just trying to learn again all the math I need to do to figure out how to dose her correctly. All the log books I will now have to keep because I won't have a pump keeping blood sugars, basal rates and bolus amounts. Yep, I'm scared and I'm overwhelmed and I'm struggling with anger. Anger towards this disease!

Please God, bring a cure in her lifetime. Please God, heal my baby, because honestly, she is, and so am I, sick of dealing with diabetes!!!!!

"I'm tired of being called 'tiny and cute'..."

"and feeling like no one cares what I have to say."

What do you say to your daughter when she says that?! Brittany is struggling with insecurities right now and I am not sure how to help her through them, so I am seeking my reader's advice! I tell her that not everyone is going to be nice, that we can't be friends with everyone, to tell them that when they make her the butt of their jokes, it hurts her feelings, but she is still struggling. I push her to keep trying, I try to help the conversation along sometimes, and that seems to help, but, sigh, I just don't know how to help her anymore. Suggestions? Anyone? PLEASE!!!